An unusual list

Dear world,

Around this time of year a certain obsession tends to take hold.

Maybe it’s the busyness, the crush of Christmas and the anticipation of a new year, but for whatever reason, many people I know begin making lists.

Personally, I’ve often found lists a handy way to organize tasks, subjects, or trains of thought. But since developing anti-NMDA Receptor Encephalitis I’ve only been writing down essentials (when I remember to).

You see, I feel physically fine right now. But I’ve been told that my memory and concentration abilities may take months to fully return.

It’s a blow to somebody who likes to memorize names, faces, and lyrics.

I felt my memory loss acutely last night, when old friends came to visit and my brain strained to recapture moments that should have come easily to me.

And now, with 2017 approaching, I find myself clinging to the desire to write a different kind of list.

I’m still processing what has happened to me, and today I’m going to write about what I lost and what I found in 2016.

Somebody once told me I should just “write it all out,” so I’m hoping this will be a cathartic exercise (and that it may inspire whoever is reading this blog to do a little of their own writing, even if all they can think of is a list).

So to start:

Things I’ve lost this year (in no particular order):

My great aunt

My grandfather

My camera

My keys

My home

My sanity (at times)

My dignity (at times)

Many tears

My boyfriend (sort of)

Things I’ve gained this year (in no particular order):

A renewed sense of purpose

Some optimism (I hope)

A decreased swelling in my brain

Some very appropriate Christmas gifts

Some understanding

Closer ties to my family

Love from dear friends

A new job

New friends

That’s all for today, much love,
Emily

 

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